


Kit's Coming Out

by Gorramshiny



Category: Young Wizards - Diane Duane
Genre: Gen, trans!Dairine, trans!kit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-01
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-08-12 11:10:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7932400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gorramshiny/pseuds/Gorramshiny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events of AWOM, Kit realizes that something isn't quite right with their speech name and a realization comes from it. Kit goes to Dairine to talk it out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The First One

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Taraenshlev](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6243619) by [SilentMachina](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilentMachina/pseuds/SilentMachina). 



_Hey, Dairine, can I talk to you about something?_ The message sat on Darine's screen and she raised an eyebrow at it.

She sent back,  _Why don't you go talk to your girlfriend? I'm busy._ She knew it would write itself out across the paper Manual of the person on the other end, and wondered what font he used for her. She hadn't mentioned that she'd had him showing up as Comic Sans on her screen. She clicked away from the message system and back to the spell diagram she was plotting.

Spot beeped with another incoming message.  _I want to talk to you about it first before going to your sister. I'd like some advice. It's not Wizardry-related._

Dairine's other eyebrow went up. Kit wanted her advice? Her eyes narrowed.  _I swear to the Powers if you're cheating on her already..._ It was the first or only thing she could think of that he could possibly want to talk to her about. 

_I swear to you I'm not cheating on her._ _The thought has never seriously crossed my mind, and if I was tempted I would want to talk to her first._ The lines of text, instead of coming across in English, displayed in the sinuous cursive of the Speech.

Dairine thought that was surprisingly mature of Kit, but who was she to talk, being the younger one who had never had a romantic relationship. She shifted in her seat slightly at the thought, and rubbed at the tops of her thighs.

She thanked the Powers for the existence of the Crossings' body modification options, a kindly human Advisory wizard from England who specialized in body magic, and understanding parents. At least she wouldn't have to deal with many of the issues of trans kids her age, though she still worried that any being she would want to date would shun her. Too many terrible movies and popular culture ideas had gotten into her head whether she liked it or not. She glanced at the medication container that sat on her desk. Medications were easier on her system and less energy-taxing than a permanent hormone reconfiguration through magic, so she still had to take pills. Thank the Powers again for a middle class family.

Dairine sighed. It was no good thinking about any of it anyways. She had already probably lost her heart to a sun prince alien who crushed lollipops in his teeth. She didn't want to examine her feelings on that subject too closely right at this moment in her life.

She fired off another message.  _So what do you want to talk about?_

_I kinda need to show you instead._

_Want me to come over?_

_Can we meet in your backyard?_

_I guess? Why?_

_Just trust me?_

Dairine was getting more worried and confused. What was it that Kit couldn't talk about to Nita? Weren't relationships supposed to be about trust and understanding and all of that? She remembered Nita muttering at the dinner table that Mars had made Kit cranky, though maybe that had been the microscope she was putting to him now that they were dating. Was it something about the red planet? She gave up wondering. It wouldn't do her any good anyways.  _Sure. Neets is gonna be gone for a while._

_I know. Be there in a moment._

Dairine trundled out to the backyard and found Kit pacing across the lawn, shoulders hunched and hands in his pockets. He looked up when she opened the screen door. “Hi,” he said. He pulled his hands from his pockets, clasped them in front of him, then behind, then they went back in his pockets. He took a few steps towards Dairine then turned and walked away to sit on a rock in the corner of the backyard.

Dairine had to wonder what had him so nervous, and his nervousness made her nervous. “What'd you want to talk about?” she said.

“Well,” Kit looked away, scratched at the back of his head, looked back, “Things were kinda strange on Mars with Neets and everything.”

Dairine sat on the rock next to him. “Yeah, she said. You saw her more naked than she maybe would have liked. You had a problem with this?”

Kit blushed, and swallowed. “Well, no. I mean yes. No.”

Dairine snorted. “Which is it.”

“Both?” Kit said in a small voice. “I just...can I show you what I wanted to show you?”

Dairine shrugged. Kit pulled his Manual out and started flipping through it. Dairine groaned. “I thought you said this wasn't wizardry related.”

“It's not. This...” Kit pulled a long series of symbols out of the book and laid them on the grass. “Is the current full version of my name. Shortly after I came back from Mars, something changed in it.” Kit waved a hand over the text and part of it turned red.

Dairine looked at it, nonplussed. “And?”

“What's it say?”

“A personal life marker subject to change and currently under review. So what? You did start dating my sister.”

Kit groaned, “Please read it again.”

Dairine took a moment to tease apart the symbols, and her jaw dropped open. “A personal body and identification modifier for a species' cultural category, subject to change and currently under review.” Very quietly, Dairine started fuming. She whispered, “Why come to me? What did Neets tell you?”

Kit put up both hands. “She didn't tell me anything. I noticed it in your name when you did the working in Ireland. I didn't think anything of it at the time, but after Mars, well...” Kit shrugged. “You're the closest person I could think of that I could talk to. Someone I could trust.”

Dairine's initial response was to ask when Kit was going to tell Nita, but realized that she had taken a long time to do just that. Her misplaced anger was still cooling. She tried to replace it with kindness. She was the first person Kit had told, and that meant something.

Dairine nodded, “So...what do you want to do about it?”

“I dunno yet. I'm worried about talking to Neets. I don't want to ruin what we have...” Kit paused a moment and Dairine wondered if Kit was talking about the romantic relationship or wizardly partnership.

Dairine set a hand on her friend's shoulder. “Do you want to hear what happened with me?”

Kit nodded.

“Neets was shocked for a little bit, just because it was new, and she came around pretty quickly. She, and eventually Millman when we started talking after what happened to mom, fought for me at school, made sure nobody gave me a hard time. Neets will be okay. I promise.”

“And if she's not?” Kit cringed. Their voice was soft, like tears were only moments away from falling.

“Hey,” Dairine said, and she smiled. “We vow to protect that which grows and lives well  _in its own way_ . She'll understand, just like she did with me. This is you, growing well in your own way.”

Kit nodded. “Could you do me a favor?”

“Anything...except murder.”

Kit chuckled, but it lasted the briefest moment.

“Call me a girl?” Kit said.

“You, lady,” Dairine said with a smile, “will be totally fine.”

A tear actually did fall from their eye. _Her_ , Dairine reminded herself, cementing the change in her head. Dairine rubbed Kit's shoulder.

They both looked up when the front door clapped closed.

“Dair, you home?” Neets called through the house.

The girls in the backyard looked at each other.

“I...I think I want to tell her now,” Kit said.

“You sure?”

“Y-yeah. Yeah, I'm sure.” Kit let her shoulders fall back, and Dairine smiled. Comfortable looked good on her. “Neets! We're back here!” she called.

Nita pulled open the screen door and laughed. “What are you two doing here?” She gave them a wry smile, glancing at the Speech in the grass, “working up a love potion so Dairine can finally figure out if she wants to date Roshaun?”

Dairine groaned and glared at her sister. The joke hit a little too close to reality.

“Hey you,” she said to Kit.

“Hey.” Kit tried to smile, but Dairine saw it was forced. “There's something I figured out,” Kit said, “And I think you ought to know about it.” She gestured for Nita to take a seat on the grass.

 


	2. Talking to Neets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kit tells Nita what's going on with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea if there will be more of this. There very well might but there aren't concrete plans at the moment.

Nita gaped at the Speech laid out before her, and it was an effort to close her mouth. “So what you're saying is...” Nita trailed off.

“I'm a girl,” Kit said in the Speech.

Nita went quiet, contemplative, as she sat on the grass of her backyard.

Words fell out of Kit's mouth in a rush, “I know it's a lot to handle I just know that I want to stay your Wizard partner and I want you as my girlfriend if you'll have me but I don't know if you're straight or what you want but I know I still want you around.” Kit blushed hard and looked at her lap.

“I owe you five bucks,” Kit heard Nita say. When Kit looked up, she saw Nita glaring at her sister.

“You were betting on me!” Kit sprung up from her seat, blood icy.

“No!” Nita cried. “Not at all!” She also stood. Dairine followed suit, waving her hand over the Speech in the grass, which obligingly disappeared. “We were betting on me!”

Neets pushed Dairine's shoulder. “This brat,” she said, blushing, “Bet me a year ago, made me promise _in the Speech_ that I owed her five bucks if I ended up being bi.”

“The quickest way to let the Lone One in is through a broken promise,” Dairine quoted, a smug grin plastered across her face.

“Oh shut up,” Nita said. She headed for the house and went inside.

Kit could see her through the sliding door, grabbing her purse from the couch and fishing her wallet out of it. Kit glanced over to Dairine. She was looking back, studying her.

“Kit? You okay?” she said.

Kit took a big, shaky breath in, and blew it out. “I...think so? I will be?”

“Anyone else you wanna talk to while you have the courage? You don't have to if you don't want to. I did though, before I chickened out.” Dair laughed to herself.

Kit's stomach sunk in horror. “What like my parents?”

Dairine's eyes shot wide open. “No! I was thinking, like, Tom and Carl, or Ronan or Daryll, your...” She stopped herself, then walked away across the grass.

“You were about to say boy's club, weren't you?” Kit called to her.

“Yes.” Dairine sounded mortified. “Sorry.”

“I've been doing it to myself. I can't expect you not to.”

Dair shot him a long-suffering glare. “I do it to myself still. You deserve better.”

“I'm working on not holding it against myself. Don't worry about it.”

The screen door opened. Kit turned back to Nita, who called to Dairine. “I've got your five dollars!”

Kit looked down to see her holding a plastic bag full of coins. She groaned. “Pennies?”

“She never specified what kind of five dollars,” Nita said all too happily.

Dairine glared at her sister as she grabbed the bag. “I could send your bed to Pluto,” she growled.

“Waste of energy,” Nita said.

“And it wasn't when you did it to me?”

“You needed to get up. It was efficient.”

“The moon then.”

“It would leave tracks people could find. You'd have to check the satellites.”

Dairine started into the house, grumbling something about Jupiter and storm pressure, before turning around to look at Kit. Her expression and voice softened. “You do deserve the best, and if you need help, let me know.” She shot one last glare at her sister before climbing the stairs towards her room.

“So...” Kit started. “Bi?”

Nita laughed. “Well I still like you, don't I?”

“Just don't tell Ronan, he might start making jokes,” Kit said, stepping inside and closing the door behind her.

Nita made a face somewhere between horror and embarrassment. “As long as he doesn't get interested in you and start asking to join in.”

Kit laughed. “I don't think I like guys anyway.”

“So lesbian then?” Nita asked.

Kit went quiet for a moment, frowning. “Yeah...I guess so.” She chuckled to herself. “That's one thing to tell my parents.” Her face paled. “Crap.”

“Your parents?” Nita said.

“Helena,” Kit said. “If she didn't take wizardry well...”

“Oh. Yeah.” Nita pursed her lips. “Well, I'll like you regardless?”

Relief broke in Kit then, and she hugged Nita hard. “Thank you.”

“I'm your girlfriend, of course I like you.”

“I just...you hear so many stories,” Kit said.

“I know.” Nita squeezed Kit in her arms. “You wanna sit down, wait for my dad to get home? You can tell him, and he can help you with your parents, if you want. He was super cool about Dair.”

“Yeah...yeah that sounds good. And Neets?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you. I...I love you.”

Nita blushed  _hard_ . “Just sit down,” she snapped. Kit kissed her on the cheek.

“I love you too,” Nita mumbled.

“What was that?” Kit said teasingly.

“I said I love you too!” Nita hit her in the leg with a throw pillow.

From partway up the stairs, a feigned gagging noise could be heard. The two young women on the couch turned towards it and said, in unison, “Shut up Dairine.”

 


	3. Carmela's Intervention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kit told Carmela about her new gender realizations, and Carmela was *all too happy* to drag Kit to the Crossings to find new clothes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for some mistakes with terminology by characters and dysphoria.

“You _will_ have to tell mama and papa.”

Kit threw her hands into the air. “I know! Mela, stop hounding me about it.”

“I do it 'cause I love you, sis,” Carmela said.

Kit suddenly had a hard time being mad at Carmela's needling. Her grin stretched across her face. “You do it because you want to see Mama fussing over me.”

“Maybe,” she said, grinning slyly.

The lights of the Crossings' daytime fell over them as they walked the concourse towards the shops. Though Kit had seen the Crossings countless times before, everything suddenly seemed brighter, more vibrant. The white floor shone, the aliens passing through were more colorful and strange. She was like a tourist, there for the first time all over again.

Carmela screeched. Kit's head snapped around from where she had been trying to not gawk at a collection of aliens that were like large grey elephants, if elephants had the faces of English bulldogs. Kit wasn't sure if she wanted to be excited or nervous, because ambling towards her was a small conifer with dangling red berries and a Yankees baseball cap.

Carmela ran towards Filif. Awkwardly, she hugged him while he rustled his fronds at her. “Yes, yes, it's good to see you!” Filif cried. “I was here to talk with Sker'ret about a fluctuation with our worldgate, and he said you two had just come in! He wanted to be here, but work keeps him busy.”

Carmela smiled. “Work always keeps the bug busy.”

Kit smiled despite her nervousness, and quietly thanked the Powers that she hadn't had to deal with two friends at once.

“And you, Cousin!” Filif said to Kit. “Dai!” Whatever Filif was about to say was cut off as a larger group of his berries turned to 'look' at Kit. She swallowed hard. The berry gaze sidled over to Carmela. “You said your species didn't...” His gaze turned back to Kit, and he whisper-shouted, “You're in trans! Oh Cousin, congratulations!” 

Kit's noise of outrage and confusion was muffled by Filif rushing her and rustling his needled appendages all over Kit's shoulders in an approximation of a hug.

Kit still couldn't say anything when Filif backed up, berries shining. “Come here, come here,” he said. If he had a human face with a long waxed mustache, Kit thought he might have been twirling it. Carmela approached, a look of bemusement on her face. Kit was too stunned to not listen.

“So, when do you start seeding?” Filif whispered.

Kit jumped back in horror, blushing bright red and with dysphoria burning in the pit of her stomach. “Filif that's not--” she swallowed hard. “That's not how it works.”

Carmela deftly stepped between Filif and Kit. “Filif, sweetie, let's give my sister a minute while she collects herself, and I can explain a few things to you, alright?” Not waiting for an answer, 'Mela wrapped an arm around the top section of Filif's branches and led him away.

Kit stumbled to one of the benches off to the side of the concourse. She vaguely remembered Carmela saying something about Filif's species' reproduction, and being “in trans” meaning becoming a vaguely female-analogue state in which one could grow new eye-berries.

She brought her knees to her chin and hugged her legs. It didn't matter that Filif didn't mean anything by it, that he was just doing the right thing by his culture. Kit numbly flipped through her Manual. It was a sign of maturity among the Demisiv, a rite of being an adult, however it was trees could be adults.

_But no_ , she thought sourly,  _my rite of adulthood already started._ Kit groaned.  _He had to use the word 'seeding'._ The acidic pit of dysphoria kept aching and Kit was suddenly, violently jealous of her partner for being a cis woman. It wasn't fair of Kit, either, to let that jealousy turn to anger or bitterness.

If only she could get her parents' okay. If only she could have her run of the body mod suites like Dairine could, but Dairine had said she needed her parents' okay. She had said the worst thing to do is try to change anything during an attack of dysphoria, especially with wizardry. Dairine got halfway through a spell when her enacture just...failed. She realized why a few moments later: her heart wasn't in it. She feared making a mistake. She doubted herself.

That doubt was the most pernicious thing Kit struggled with. For as many times as she found it easy for the Speech for “I'm a girl” or “I'm a woman” to roll off her tongue, there was as many when it didn't come so easily. Fifteen years of habit and social conditioning made it hard to believe her own convictions sometimes. Everyone told her how handsome she was and how she would make such a handsome young man some day. They had said it as long as she had been alive, and she had just assumed they were right. Why wouldn't they be? Then again, most people said magic didn't exist.

“Kit?” Carmela said from above her. “Kitty?”

Kit was about to look at her sister with murder in her eyes for nicknaming her, and then what 'Mela said hit. It was an old nickname, and Kit had demanded everyone stop using it once she turned six. And she had secretly always liked it. She had liked it because  _it was feminine_ .

Kit's laugh started small, a mix of happiness and relief, and grew into a guffaw, complete with tears. She leapt up and hugged her sister with all her strength.

Carmela squeaked. “What did I do?” she said.

Filif bustled around them. “Kit, I do apologize for my earlier comment. Are you well? Kit? 

Kit stepped back and wiped the water from her eyes. “I'm fine, bud.”

Filif drooped. “I am sorry for my words. I will be more careful with how I speak of other species in the future. Carmela has told me all about the proper terms, and informed me that for your species, trans is an adjective, not necessarily a temporary state.”

“Thanks, Filif,” Kit said.

“I have a better idea for the afternoon, if you want,” Carmela said.

Kit narrowed her eyes. “What?” she said flatly. Carmela's good ideas were....Carmela's ideas. The last time she had a major one here, she'd ended up saving the Crossings with a laser dissociator.

“Instead of going clothes shopping, we go body mod shopping, and you can find yourself your ideal look. We save you a picture in the Manual, to look at whenever you get dysphoric. You'll know what to get when mom and dad finally stop freaking out enough to let you!”

Kit grinned. “ 'Mela,” she said, “while Nita might not care, the kids at school would notice, and ask how I got changes so fast. If they weren't transphobic to begin with.”

Carmela smiled her conspiratorial smile. “Then you get them to grow in slowly, or right before you go to college. If anyone asks, it's none of their damn business anyway. Besides, you'll be hot. Nobody will care.”

“Mela!” Kit yelped.

Carmela just laughed and started walking away.

As Kit trailed behind her and Filif (who had cheerfully agreed to help) towards the body mod suites, Carmela looked back. “And besides,” she said. “Neets said she's seen you in a different body and you're hot.”

Kit blushed again.  _Oh I am so going to kill her when I get back to Earth..._

 


	4. Work in Progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Filif helps Kit build something to alleviate dysphoria.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well now I have ideas for, like, at least two more chapters, so this isn't stopping any time soon. If folks have suggestions for things they wanna see, lemme know, and I'll see if I can come up with something for it.

That night, Filif rooted in the Callahan's backyard. Late the next morning, he stood in the middle of their kitchen, surrounded by a gleeful Carmela, an intrigued Nita, and a nervously excited Kit. Kit floated her favorite image from the body-mod shopping in front of the group.

“That looks like...” Nita started.

“I know,” Kit cut in. It looked like her from when they got the discount shapechange wizardries, with a few small modifications. The breasts were a little bigger; Carmela teased Kit about that choice, and Kit shot back that other people might not read her right without the change, and besides, she thought they were more proportional. Kit also straightened out the curves the dna tester had given her: too much change would be unbelievable, even to Kit. Something would seem wrong about it, like it was disrespecting her previous existence. And Nita had mentioned she liked her partner lanky.

Kit groaned and sat down on the couch, hit by a sudden crisis of confidence. “I don't know if I can do this.”

“Why not?” Nita said. “This is gonna be awesome, you said so yourself.”

Kit put her head in her hands. “Yeah, but what if it's not right? What if I'm just deluding myself or...”

“Say it in the Speech,” Carmela said, like it was the easiest thing in the world.

Kit swallowed, and tried to say _I'm a girl_ , but the words died on her tongue. Instead, the Speech she said meant, “I can't.” Or it meant, “It isn't real enough.” Or, “I don't believe it.”

A frustrated growl came from up the stairs. Everyone looked up to see Dairine walking down the stairs, almost stomping with each step. She glared at Kit. “Okay lady,” she said.

Kit's mouth went suddenly dry. “What?”

“All of us except Carmela vowed to guard growth and ease pain, and apparently none of you are doing that right now, so I'm the wizard who has to clean up this mess.”

Nita and Kit looked at her with utter confusion on their faces. Filif's branches were all rustling slightly, like he was in a strong wind. Carmela smiled just a little.

Dairine continued, “Now, I know you, Kit. I saw how scared you were when you told me about this, and how happy you were when you told my sister  _in the Speech_ that you're a girl. I've been in exactly the same spot you are and I know the fear you're feeling. You don't wanna commit to this because it's scary, because it's change. But you know—and I know—you want this, even if you're scared to admit it. And if you take this? If Filif helps build you a  _mochteroof_ ? The problem isn't 'what if I don't like it' it's 'what happens when I inevitably do'?”

“Because there's no going back, not really,” Kit said, halfway between resigned and excited. “Once I feel the joy...it's one step closer to being happy. To being _me_.” She frowned. “Not that I'm not already, it's just...”

“Different,” Dairine said. “I get it. Doubt can be a healthy thing, but right now, this isn't helping you.”

Kit sighed, because there was one major entity responsible for the creeping doubts and darknesses at the bottom of souls, that kept people from their happiness. “Greetings and defiance,” she said. She stood next to Filif. “Let's get to work.”

Dairine looked momentarily nonplussed before smiling. “Good.” She turned around and started up the stairs. “You folks have fun now!” she called behind her.

Carmela clapped her sister on the shoulder. “Attagirl. Now let's have our favorite tree make you a second skin.”

Filif's eye berries shook a little as he looked at Kit. “Are you sure?” he said.

“I'm sure, bud,” Kit said.

“Where's the spell shell?” Nita said. “I wanna get you in this so you can try it on before you need to go home for dinner or something.”

Filif started pulling knots of Speech from his branches.

“Ugh, get a room,” Carmela joked.

“Shut up, 'Mela,” Kit said.

Nita blushed scarlet and mumbled, “Do it before you get scared again.”

 

The hours before Nita's dad got home were spent constructing and troubleshooting the  _mochteroof_ . Filif alternately got his fronds into the mess of shining words and directed Nita and Kit in their own portions of the spell construction. It was harder than the Yaldiv  _mochteroof_ , and took more time to piece together. It needed to fit to Kit's skin, yes, and create a visual illusion, but it was for Kit's benefit, not the benefit of outsider observers. It needed to link into Kit's nervous system, to rebalance her weight to give the effects of the shapechange, to be as real as it could be. It also needed to be able to be modified, to have open variables to account for fluctuations in Kit's body, and the ability to change it on the fly. And it needed to fold up so it could sit on Kit's bookshelf. The Yaldiv  _mochteroof_ could be left hanging in air, but Kit's room didn't have enough space for a whole other Kit body all the time.

Elbows deep in yet another knot of spell, Kit looked over at Filif, exasperated. “Why can't we lock down the  _mochteroof_ into a single form? It would be way simpler than giving me control of the shape.”

Filif rustled his berries in amusement. “It wouldn't do to have my friend be unhappy!”

“Seriously, Filif, why?” Kit said.

If Filif had a human face, he would be grinning conspiratorially. “Because I would like to know if I can.”

Kit shrugged and went back to work. Carmela threw a piece of popcorn at his head.

“ 'Mela why are you even here?” Kit grumbled, tossing the kernel out of the spell diagram.

“Because I want to spend time with my favorite tree!” Carmela said, faux offended. “I can't spend time with him?”

“It's because you have a crush on the tree,” Nita muttered.

Filif looked at Nita, confused and a little scared. “Why would she want to grind me up?”

“I wouldn't want to grind you up, Filif. It's just a figure of speech,” Carmela said, glaring at Nita.

“What does it mean, then?” Filif said.

“It means,” Nita started.

Carmela cut in. “It's a word we use when we like someone a lot.”

Filif considered this for a moment as he kept working.

“I guess it means I crush all three of you then!” he said happily.

Kit glanced to Nita, holding in her laughter, and mimed pressing her into the ground with a hand. Nita snorted.

 

Kit went home that night, excitement buzzing in her chest. Filif had said he wanted to make some last adjustments before she put on the  _mochteroof_ , so she would try it on the next morning.

Carmela, walking beside her, said, “So what did Nita's dad say?”

Kit stuck her hands in her pockets as they passed a familiar house fence. Tinkerbell, the loudest small white dog ever, started barking her head off, saying something about how she was going to tear Kit and Carmela limb from limb.

“Would you be quiet?” Carmela told Tinkerbell in the Speech.

The dog didn't listen.

“It won't help,” Kit said ruefully. “I've tried.”

After they passed the house, Kit picked up the earlier conversation. “He took one look at me, said, 'Huh, okay,' and tried to make dinner, which Nita immediately stopped him from doing, like she does at least twice a week.” She laughed, though it turned bitter. “If only Mama and Papa respond that way...”

“They will, sis, I promise. Papa might take some time to get used to the idea, but he'll come around. If she has to, Mama will make him see reason. You gonna tell them tonight?”

“I...feel like I have to. Somehow, I don't want to put on the _mochteroof_ without them knowing about me.”

“I'll help explain if you can't.” Carmela smiled at Kit.

She smiled back. “Thanks.”

“Anything for my little sister,” Carmela said, and punched Kit lightly in the arm.

 


	5. The Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kit comes out to the rest of his family--Helena included.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the lovely silentmachina for being my beta reader on this and the previous chapter.  
> I don't -think- any warnings apply, though if someone wants me to add one I will gladly do so.

 

Kit let the screen door to the house fall shut behind her, wishing for the first time since the Mars affair that Ponch was still there. _What would he have thought about this?_ she wondered. _Probably taken it in stride like everything else, then asked for a biscuit. I suppose I could ask when I get the chance._

“We're home!” Carmela called.

“Come into the kitchen and help set the table!” Kit's mother called back.

When they did so, Kit couldn't help but grin. In the air was the unmistakable sweet, buttery rice smell of her mother's _arroz con pollo_.

“What's the occasion mama?” Kit said.

She smiled sidelong at her. “I can't do it because I like seeing my son happy?” Kit forced the smile to stay on her face, though what she felt was not unlike an icepick between the ribs. Holding the secret burned, and she wanted to blurt it out right then, to alleviate the awful discomfort, but she couldn't. It wasn't the right time.

“What's wrong?” Kit's mother said. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything's fine, Mama,” Carmela said. “It's been a long day. Kit just needs some food and everything will be better.”

Her mama turned back to the stove. “Well, set the table and it can happen faster.”

“Yes mama,” they said in unison. Kit grabbed the plates and bowls, still fighting the gnawing discomfort, while Carmela grabbed the silverware.

 

They were halfway through when a familiar voice came from upstairs. “Oh, the mutant's back! Hi Kit!”

Kit froze, face going pale. _Oh crap._

Carmela grabbed the plates from her, set them down, then wrapped Kit in a big hug, which Kit returned. “You don't have to do it if you don't want to,” Carmela whispered.

“I want to,” Kit said. “She'll find out eventually anyway.”

“But with how she was about the...mutant thing?” Carmela stepped back and regarded Kit with a level gaze. “Are you sure? I'll support you regardless, I just don't know how it'll go.”

“I wanna do it. Besides, this is normal life stuff, not magic.”

“Okay, if you insist,” Carmela said.

They finished setting the table and Kit paced anxiously in the dining room.

After a few minutes, Kit's mother called from the kitchen. “Helena, come downstairs! Dinner is ready!”

 

The minute everyone sat down for dinner, Kit's hands started shaking. She eyed everyone at the table, trying to gauge what their reactions might be. It was an effort to get her hands under control enough to eat.

“How was your day?” Kit's dad asked.

“It was good,” Carmela said. “We hung out with Nita and talked a lot. Had some popcorn. I convinced Kit to look at some new clothes so—” Carmela caught herself about to use the right pronoun, and her eyes darted to her sister for the briefest instant. “Well, I thought there might be need for some new stuff, seeing how much Kit's been growing.”

“Just don't buy anything without talking to us first,” Kit's papa said.

“I know, I know.” Carmela waved her hand. “We'll check to make sure it's okay.”

“Did you see anything you liked?” his mama said.

“Well,” Kit bit her lip, figuring out the most truthful way to phrase her answer. “There was one look I really liked, but I think I'd have to try it on before committing.”

“Online shopping is the worst,” Helena grumbled.

Kit's phone buzzed in her pocket and she started to pull it out. She got as far as noticing the text was from Nita when her dad said, “What's the rule about communication at the dinner table?”

Kit sighed and slid the phone back into her pocket. “Only with family,” she groaned.

The problem was, the one thing she most wanted to communicate was terrifying to talk about, at least to her family. Anxiety crackled under Kit's skin. Stories circled in her head of trans kids kicked out of their homes, sometimes from families who they thought would be accepting. A few months back, Tom and Carl had re-homed a trans wizard because his family had kicked him out. He'd had to move out to New Rochelle from his parents' apartment in Hoboken.  
Kit lost her appetite. She settled for pushing the food around on her plate.

“Kit, are you alright?” her mama said. “You look a little green. Are you sure you aren't sick?”

“I'm not sick just...” She glanced to Carmela, who gave her a tiny nod and an encouraging smile. She set down her fork, which clattered on the plate louder than she thought it would. Kit jumped, then laughed nervously. “Well, there's something I kinda needed to talk about?”

“What's going on?” her mama said. “Is it something about Nita?” Her eyes narrowed. “Did you get her pregnant?”

“Mama!” Kit shrieked, her face going bright red. “No! We're not even...just no!” She hid her face in her hands.

“We have to check these things, you know,” Kit's father said good-humoredly.

“I know,” Kit moaned. “Just...” She took a deep, steadying breath. “I've just been thinking about a lot of stuff the past couple months and, uh,” Kit ran a hand through her hair, steeling herself, then looked directly at her parents. “I'm a girl. It turns out you have a third daughter.” Her stomach felt like it flipped over from the fear of saying it aloud.

Silence greeted this proclamation. Everyone looked thoroughly confused except Carmela, who watched the others just as closely as Kit did.

“What?” said Kit's father.

“I'm a girl,” Kit repeated. “It's a more comfortable identity for me than being a boy.”

Helena spoke up. “Like...transgender people?”

“Yeah, exactly.”

Helena frowned, considering this new prospect. “Well, you're already a mutant,” She said to herself. “By comparison, this just seems normal.”

“I don't think I understand,” Kit's father said. “Is there something wrong we don't know about?”

“There's nothing wrong with it, papa,” Helena said. Kit's eyes widened. Helena was taking _her_ side? “It's like, Kit's been a girl all along but maybe didn't know it. It's like being trapped in the wrong—“

“Hang on.” Carmela cut in, silencing Helena. “It's more that someone's identity and body don't have to match up. There isn't anything wrong, Kit just sees herself differently than most people see her, and she wants to change that.”

“Both of you be quiet,” their father said. “I want to hear what my child thinks.” He looked at Kit. “What does this mean?”

Kit stared back, not willing to break eye contact. “That I'm a girl. I'm more comfortable as a girl, I'm happier when people see me as a girl, and saying I'm a girl is in line with how I feel about myself.”

“What is it that makes you say you're a woman?” he said. “You grew up healthy, I don't think we did anything wrong, apart from the usual parenting mistakes.”

Kit was at a loss for words. She didn't know whether to comfort her father, saying it wasn't his fault, or to ask why something had to be wrong with her. The anger and sadness warred with each other.

“What is it that makes you say you're a man?” Carmela said quietly.

Kit's father was quiet for a moment. “Well, I just am,” he said finally. “I can't say what it is. I don't suppose I can expect you to have any better of an explanation.” His lips pressed together. “This is still going to take some time to understand.”

“I thought it would,” Kit said. The worries of the other shoe dropping, of her parents suddenly changing their mind, were at the front of her thoughts. She pushed her chair back. “If you need me to, I can go over to Nita's for a few days while you think things over.” Kit stood.

“No.” Kit's mother stood with her. “No child of mine will ever be unwelcome in my home.” She bustled around the table and wrapped her arms around Kit. “You don't need to go anywhere, you hear me?”

Kit hugged her mother fiercely. “Yes mama,” she said.

Her mother stepped back. “Now, I think it would be best if your father and I talked this over. Please put away the leftovers and clear the table once everyone is done.” She looked around at her daughters. “Your father and I will be back.” She went upstairs, and Kit's father followed. Kit still felt like she was suspended in midair, waiting for the other shoe to drop. She had _been_ suspended in midair before. This was worse. This wasn't some spell she could speak the end of.

The three sisters watched each other.

“So,” Helena said to Carmela, “How long have you known?”

“About two days.”

“And this doesn't phase you?”

Carmela raised her eyebrows. “After what I've seen, the whole,” she made air quotes, “ 'mutants' thing, there's no way this would phase me.”

Helena nodded. “You?” she said to Kit.

“Maybe three weeks, properly?” Kit replied. “I'd been thinking about it generally for maybe a couple months.”

“Ah.” Helena got up to clear the table.

“You're better about it than I thought you'd be,” Kit said.

Helena laughed. “I go to Amherst. You really think I haven't met trans people?”

Kit conceded the point.

“Though,” Carmela said. “That whole 'trapped in the wrong body' thing...”

“I know.” Helena put up her free hand. “It's not accurate or right. I'm sorry. I...somehow figured they might understand that better.”

“Let's just hope they understand at all,” Kit said darkly. It was weird to be on Helena's side for once, instead of exasperated at her misunderstandings.

“You'll be fine,” Carmela said.

“You'll be absolutely okay,” Helena agreed. Then she burst out laughing. “Oh my god.”

“What?” Kit and Carmela said in unison.

“One of my friends at school kept talking about my sisters, and I had to keep reminding her that it wasn't the case. Oh, she'll laugh about this.” Then her eyes narrowed at Kit. “Unless she's one of your comic book buddies. Do you know a Miranda Gross?”

“No.” Kit made a mental note to check the Manual listings for oraculars. “But that doesn't mean...oh nevermind. Let's just get this put away.” It wasn't worth it to try and explain to Helena how many wizards there were. Kit bit her lip and glanced towards the stairs. She hoped her parents didn't take too long.

 

By the time food was away, the sisters had agreed to bake brownies. Kit used a spare moment in the mixing to update Nita on the night's events. The batter went in the oven just as Kit's parents came back downstairs.

“Kit,” her father said. Each parent put a hand on one shoulder; Kit froze, eyes wide, glancing between her mother and father.

Her father continued, “First of all, we want you to know that we will support you however we can. We want you to be happy. We have some questions, but your mama thought it best if we all got some sleep first.” Kit tried to relax, but dreaded whatever questions they might have.

“We do love you, you know that, right?” her mama said.

“Yes, mama, I know,” Kit said automatically.

“Good. Now, whose idea was it to make brownies?”

“All of us,” said Carmela.

“I get the last corner piece, then,” their mother said, eyes twinkling with mischief.

Both parents stepped away from Kit like that was that, end of discussion, but Kit still felt unmoored. She had spent long enough worrying about them kicking her out that the worry was still there. “You're sure you want me to stay?” she said in a small voice.

Both of Kit's parents came over and hugged her. “Of course we want you to stay,” her father said, “you are our child.”

Kit hoped he would eventually learn to say 'daughter', and the thought stuck with her when, thirty minutes later, the brownies came out of the oven. She enjoyed them, and added vanilla ice cream, which the rest of her family scoffed at, as usual. She still couldn't get the thoughts to go away when she went up to her bedroom and wished her family—and Nita, by phone—a hesitant goodnight.

 


	6. The Mochteroof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kit steps into her mochteroof.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter! The ending kinda snuck up on me, but I realized I don't wanna keep writing a coming out story. I am planning for more to come after this in the story, but as a separate ao3 work, and after a time skip. I'll link that work to this one when I write/post some of it.
> 
> PS: If there are typos or anything like that in here, feel free to let me know.

Nita came downstairs and Kit grinned at her from the couch. “You're lucky I'm here this early,” Kit said. It was half past noon. “I just got out of the inquisition.”

“That bad?” Nita said, coming over to hug her girlfriend.

“Get a room,” Dairine said absently from next to Filif, who stood just inside the door to the backyard. Carmela leaned against the door sill on Filif's other side. “And besides,” Dairine continued, “you weren't around when mom and dad started quizzing me. You were off staring at the stars or doing math homework. It's like a law of the universe that parents question their trans kids about every aspect of their lives.”

“I wouldn't like to live in your world,” Filif said. “That sounds frustrating, going through that for every major change.”

“It can be,” admitted Kit. “Though this one is particularly....”

“Fraught?” Dairine said.

“Yeah.” Kit put her face in her hands. “What's the weirdest question they ever asked you, Dair?”

“What is this, a competition?” Nita said. She sat down next to Kit and rubbed Kit's back.

Dairine ignored her sister. “ 'Was there a time in your life when you weren't trans'. What'd they ask?”

“ 'If you haven't had sex as a guy yet, how do you know it's not what you want?' ” Kit said, tiredly amused.

Nita blushed bright red and started stammering. At this, Dairine laughed. “Something to tell us, Neets?”

Nita would have blushed more, if such a thing was possible. “No!” she cried. “We haven't...I mean, not that I haven't thought about it, but—” She promptly shut herself up.

Kit raised her eyebrows. “Oh?”

Nita hit Kit in the chest with a pillow, and Kit chuckled.

“I don't understand,” Filif said. “Those questions...from what Carmela explained about your species' 'being trans' and what I heard from the Knowing, those questions don't make sense.”

“They don't make sense to us either,” Kit said dryly. “That's the problem. How's the _mochteroof_?”

“Finished!” Filif said. He reached into his branches and pulled out a weave of spellwork, a mass of swirling colors the shape of a medium-sized hardback novel. Kit's heart thudded in her chest.

Filif dropped the weave to the ground. “Now,” he said, pointing to a circle of blue in the center with a frond, “this is the activation. When you press it, it unfolds.” He pressed the button. The box of color stretched, ballooning outwards and upwards until it was in the rough shape of Kit. The image of the spell snapped into place.

Kit stared at her idealized double. Nita grinned, and Carmela whooped, clapping Kit on the back.

Dairine said quietly, “You okay, Kit?”

She wasn't. The moment she had seen the _mochteroof_ 's image, a burning coal of pain formed in her stomach. She couldn't stand to look at it. It reminded her too much of what she _wasn't_.

Everyone quieted. Nita set a hand on Kit's shoulder. “Kit?” she said. “What's wrong?”

“Did I make a mistake?” Filif said. “Did I do it wrong?” All his branches rustled, and the eye-berries shivered.

“No,” Kit said, voice suddenly hoarse, “You did great, Fil. It's perfect.” She wanted to cry, dammit, but years of being taught not to by society were hard to unlearn. “Would you mind just...not having the image on it?”

A few moments of fiddling later, it was just a weave of standing spellwork.

“Thanks,” Kit managed, dysphoria still gnawing away at her.

Nita held her for a little while as Kit sat with the dysphoria. There was no way to get rid of it except with time, waiting for the emotions to subside. Carmela opened up the tupperware of brownies she had brought and everyone had one. The chocolate helped a little.

 

Kit got up from the couch and stretched, muscles tight from staying curled up in one position for too long. “Okay,” she said. “I want to try this. I step in the back like the other ones, Fil?”

“Yes!” said Filif happily. He came in, having excused himself to the backyard once Kit's dysphoria attack started.

Kit stood behind the glowing form and licked her lips. She flashed Nita a grin. Then she stepped inside. The world went white for the briefest instant, and Kit felt the now-familiar pressure of the spell grabbing onto her, then it vanished. But wow was this different. Kit had to grin, and it stretched across her face. Her eyes sparkled. It felt so different and so absolutely _right._

She looked down, and was suddenly glad Nita had thought to equip the _mochteroof_ with a basic set of clothes. But more than that...she poked one of her boobs experimentally, and grinned some more. “Not only do I feel it in my finger, I feel it on my chest!” Kit said. “This is so fantastic Fil!”

Filif shook with glee. “Oh Cousin I'm so happy for you!” It was a sentiment reflected in the faces of the others in the room. Dairine even teared up a little bit.

Nita still sat on the couch. When Kit met her eyes, she grinned, and looked Kit all the way up and down quickly. Kit flushed and...those sensations were in the right places too! She couldn't keep it in anymore. She ran towards Nita to hug her, though Kit stumbled, almost losing her footing from the change in body mass distribution. Kit cleared the last foot with a jump. Nita squeaked as she was pushed into the couch, grinning almost as widely as Kit.

“I love this so much!” Kit cried. She rolled off her girlfriend to lay herself out on the couch, resettling her head in Nita's lap.

“Gaaaaaaayyyyyyyy,” Dairine called, hands around her mouth like a megaphone.

Nita threw a pillow at her, which she caught.

Kit just basked in the moment, in feeling herself against the couch and everything for once feeling good. It was a similar rightness to her first casting of a spell, getting completely connected to the universe. But for this, Kit _was_ the entire universe. Everything that mattered for this spell started and ended with her, and now all the equations could be balanced.

A little red light blinked on the backs and fronts of Kit's palms.

“Filif?” she said. “What are these lights?”

“What lights?” Nita said.

“The _mochteroof_ stores energy to keep itself running, of course. A long-term one like this will have energy storage built in, but it won't just fall off you unless you fall unconscious or go to sleep, though you can make it stay on while you're asleep if you want. There's a setting for it. It will use your personal energy once it runs out though. Put it in the sun to recharge it. The red lights mean you have about ten minutes left, and you're the only one who can see them.”

“That seems like a safety issue,” Kit said.

“If you're out in public,” Dairine said, “It would be bad if it just fell off, and I didn't want it to come off you and have you get dysphoric because you weren't ready for it. I told Filif to put it in. He listened.”

“Against some of my better judgment. But you and Dairine are the experts in this,” Filif said. “If you want me to change it, I can.”

Kit looked at the lights. They were obvious enough that they were impossible to ignore, and she supposed they were designed that way. “It doesn't last very long.”  
“Once I finished it I didn't have time to charge it much,” Filif said. “About four of your hours in direct sunlight should keep it running for about eight of your hours, which is the max it holds.”

“Does it charge if she's walking around in sunlight?” Nita said. Kit quietly glowed at the correct pronouns, even though she could have expected it at this point.

“Yes,” Filif said, “though because of the way it had to be designed, it will just keep the charge from running down any further.”

“Okay,” Kit said. “So...how do I take it off?” The _mochteroof_ , or Kit's understanding of the structures of it, told her how. “Oh.” She stood up. She almost fell again, and Nita stabilized her. Kit kissed her girlfriend's cheek, partially just to embarrass Dairine.

Pressing her palms together, Kit imagined the second skin coming off as she took a step backwards. Her everyday body reasserted itself and Kit actually fell over into the couch this time. She swallowed hard to keep the dysphoria at bay. There was surprisingly little of it, which she was grateful for.

Then the tears came, and Kit couldn't get them to stop. Joyous tears, shed for the happiness of having felt comfortable in her own skin. Shed for the understanding that she could go back to feeling that when she wished, and that one day, there would be no “going back”, it would just be fact.

Kit jumped up, hugged Filif, hugged Dairine, hugged Nita, and hugged her older sister.

It was going to be okay.

It was finally going to be okay.

 


End file.
